A new semester, and I feel like I'm getting off to a great start! I feel like I've been working hard to study Japanese and I incorporate it as much as possible into my daily life - reading magazines, watching TV shows, using Japanese websites. I'm currently reading the book つめたいよるに by Ekuni Kaori (my computer had too much trouble getting the correct kanji :-p). I like it a lot so far. I think since I'm already settled in, I don't have the need to go crazy socializing with the new kids, but I know enough to help them out with organizing stuff.
But despite all this excitingness, I'm hitting a rut of failllll - aka being the Wilma I am and getting caught up in boy drama. Nothing has happened but I've had some crushes on and off this year and I'm currently at the apex of one. :-( It sucks. It's really exciting when you see the person and see signs of interest, etc, but I HATE waiting around for the week to pass. All for it to build up to maybe even nothing. I hate feeling impatient like this, and I hate when things end in disappointment. :-( So this has put me in a funk for the past couple of days, but hopefully I'll calm down or get some good signals. This is slightly mirroring a crush I had last semester in that I'm seeing what I think are reallllyy positive signs but then either I don't reciprocate them well enough or I imagined them, and things could bomb. Eeeek! I always need to get these thoughts out in every medium possible whenever I'm wrapped up in them, but this is too public of a forum to say any more.
I want to stop acting like a middle school girl! I want to stop hallucinating my phone's vibrations! I want to stop the internet stalking! I want to stop bugging my friends about this! I want to stop looking at couples and date spots and wondering! I want to stop looking out the bus window and wondering who I could see by chance! I want to stop having hour long baths where all I do is listen to music and sigh! Most of all, I want to stop wishing I could relive memories, because thinking of all the wonderful moments in life you can never revisit is a very sad thing. :-(
In a ways, I'm happy that such an amazing thing is the cause of my down mood, rather than something actually unhappy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment